After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
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I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
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you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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