he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize