They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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