It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
