Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
