I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize