Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So many bounce houses so little time
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something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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