1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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