My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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