did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered