true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do