Texts From Last Night

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  (954): View more from Florida

  i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi

  (425): View more from Washington

  hahaha how?

  (954): View more from Florida

  its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery

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  (954): i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi (425): hahaha how? (954): its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery http://tfl.nu/yw6o
  Replies (22) Good night (4323) Bad night (777)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.

  (863): View more from Florida

  Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  At least you don't cum in color.

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  (863): UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground. (863): Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine. (321): At least you don't cum in color. http://tfl.nu/1kue
  Replies (15) Good night (2843) Bad night (994)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.

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  (832): If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs. http://tfl.nu/152p
  Replies (9) Good night (2494) Bad night (561)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  So we're fucking tonight?

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  (816): You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf. (1-816): So we're fucking tonight? http://tfl.nu/2x8n
  Replies (12) Good night (4583) Bad night (1439)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.

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  (405): I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus. http://tfl.nu/spp0
  Replies (33) Good night (746) Bad night (5679)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.

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  (262): At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex. http://tfl.nu/iosj
  Replies (26) Good night (5572) Bad night (1206)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.

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  (903): She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her. http://tfl.nu/v3pj
  Replies (6) Good night (3194) Bad night (710)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.

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  (403): I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress. http://tfl.nu/setw
  Replies (2) Good night (1527) Bad night (697)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.

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  (515): I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion. http://tfl.nu/z0x4
  Replies (2) Good night (891) Bad night (374)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.

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  (412): Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face. http://tfl.nu/ja8q
  Replies (1) Good night (301) Bad night (525)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.

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  (646): His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex. http://tfl.nu/fp57
  Replies (2) Good night (347) Bad night (596)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice

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  (514): I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice http://tfl.nu/zb9l
  Replies (2) Good night (565) Bad night (316)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex

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  (508): This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex http://tfl.nu/5anx
  Replies (2) Good night (713) Bad night (396)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster

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  (336): Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster http://tfl.nu/y7nw
  Replies (0) Good night (511) Bad night (203)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.

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  (540): THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH. (1-540): I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables. (540): YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED. http://tfl.nu/j00x
  Replies (7) Good night (587) Bad night (217)

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