And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"