yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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