she woke up with a sticky ear
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize