You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
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I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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