..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Dating After Heartbreak
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet