I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO