i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.