The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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