I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
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I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
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there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?