Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
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my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
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I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.