I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.