I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick