I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS