i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.