the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?