you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.