oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''