I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.