omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My vagina is officially offended.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire