Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.