I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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