does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
