you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
