To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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