I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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