I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...