i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.