note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?