I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it