It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.