is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
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high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
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New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.