i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
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Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
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I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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