the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
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it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
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Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
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