God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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