Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
