I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.