I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Why did my mother make you get naked?