It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you