You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.