I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
