Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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