we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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