Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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