I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
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When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
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My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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