WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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