dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
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When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
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Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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