I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
