I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
