We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
