I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
