if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
