I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize