Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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