Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
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There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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