My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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