so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
