so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
