I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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