I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
farters have to be the big spoon...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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