Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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