The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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