how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
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I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
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He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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