its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
