"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize